It's ok to Grieve in times of loss

February 11, 2022 was one of the hardest days of my life. We were just 7 1/2 months into a new home, new city, new state and one of the constants over the previous 14 years crossed that rainbow bridge. As of today, August 2nd 2026 when this is being written, there's not a single day where Mocha, my beloved Chocolate Labrador, pops into my head. Her nose lives on as the business logo after all. I miss her so much. She scratched me on the side of my right knee, leaving a scar I still carry. I often say I want to tattoo it so it never leaves, so she remains with me always. Remembering the day she was put down as I write this still brings tears to my eyes. She was just the best!

Losing a pet can feel like losing a piece of your everyday life — because it is. They’re not “just an animal.” They’re the one who met you at the door, followed you from room to room, kept you company on hard days, and made ordinary moments feel safe and familiar. I have a kitchen towel which states, " My dog is the Reason I wake up every morning. Really Early. EVERY...SINGLE...MORNING". It's funny, but there's a little perspective.

My Kitchen Towel

When they’re gone, the quiet can be shocking. If you’re grieving right now, I want you to hear this clearly: your grief is valid. And you don’t need to minimize it to make other people comfortable.

Why pet loss can feel so heavy

For many of us, our pets aren’t a side character in our lives — they’re woven into the routine and rhythm of it.

·         They’re part of your home, your schedule, your identity.

·         They provide steady companionship without judgment.

·         They’re often present through major life chapters — moves, breakups, new jobs, new babies, illness, loneliness.

So when they pass, you’re not only grieving their absence. You’re grieving the life you shared and the future you imagined with them.

The Taboo of "It Was Just a Pet" and Its Emotional Impact

Pet loss is one of the most misunderstood kinds of grief. Many people don’t know what to say, so they reach for phrases that unintentionally dismiss the bond:

·         “At least they lived a long life.”

·         “You can always get another one.”

·         “Try not to think about it.”

·         “It was just a dog/cat.”

Even when those words come from a good place, they can land like a door closing.

The truth is: pet grief is real grief. It doesn’t require anyone’s permission to be legitimate.

And sometimes the taboo isn’t just external — it’s internal. You might catch yourself thinking, Why am I this devastated? or Other people have it worse. But grief isn’t a competition. Love is love, and loss is loss. I've heard there are some workplaces giving bereavement time for pet loss, I think that is amazing!

Yes — it’s okay to grieve like you would a human family member

If you feel like you lost a family member, that’s because you did.

Pets are family in the most practical sense: they share your space, your routines, your milestones, and your heart. They depend on you, and you depend on them in ways you may not even realize until they’re gone. Grieving them deeply isn’t “dramatic.” It’s a reflection of a relationship that mattered.

What grief can look like (and why it can feel confusing)

Grief doesn’t always show up as tears. Sometimes it looks like:

·         Feeling numb or unreal, like your brain can’t catch up

·         Guilt about decisions you made (or didn’t make)

·         Anger — at the world, at time, at your own body for not being able to fix it

·         A sudden wave of sadness when you reach for the leash, open a can, or hear a familiar sound

·         Relief mixed with grief (especially after illness or decline)

All of it can be normal. One of the hardest parts of pet loss is that it’s often disenfranchised grief — grief that isn’t fully recognized by society. That can make you feel isolated, like you’re grieving “alone” even when people are around. Believe me you are NOT alone!

The guilt spiral: “Did I do enough?”

Many pet parents carry guilt after a loss — especially if euthanasia was involved, or if there were complicated medical decisions, I know I do. I still have visions of Mocha on my lap. breathing heavily, so boney rather than the strong girls she'd been her entire life. I replay the decision making process; did we wait too long? could she have been ok a little longer? What if I changed her food sooner or to a better quality food? We are responsible for their lives afterall.

If this is you, try to remember: love is not measured by perfect decisions. It’s measured by the care you gave over time — the meals, the walks, the vet visits, the patience, the comfort, the way you showed up. You made the best choices you could with the information you had, while carrying a heart that didn’t want to say goodbye. I do try to remind my self of these things. I've had the hard cries to get out those feelings, and I know deep in my heart I did right by Mocha and putting her down. I just miss her so much! I loved her so much!

Ways to honor your pet (and your grief)

There is no “right” way to grieve, but it can help to give your love somewhere to go.

·         Write them a letter: what you miss, what you’re grateful for, what you wish you could say

·         Create a small memorial: a framed photo, a paw print, their collar, a candle

·         Make a playlist that reminds you of them

·         Donate to a rescue or shelter in their name

·         Talk about them out loud — tell stories, say their name

·         Keep a ritual: a walk on their favorite route, a quiet moment at the time you used to feed them

And if you need to cry, cry. If you need to laugh at an old video, laugh. Both can be love.

If you’re not “over it” yet — you’re not doing grief wrong

Grief doesn’t follow a neat timeline. You might feel okay for a few days and then get hit by a wave out of nowhere. You might feel fine in public and fall apart at home. You might feel stuck.

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning to carry the love without it crushing you.

When to reach for extra support

If your grief feels unbearable, if you’re struggling to function, or if the sadness is pulling you under, you deserve support.

Consider:

·         A therapist who understands grief

·         A pet loss support group

·         A trusted friend who won’t rush you

·         A hotline or counseling resource in your area

Needing help doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you loved deeply. There are in fact resources available to help address your feelings and assist you in help you to process and get through this difficult time. One resource I've been able to find is Honoring our Animals. While I have not specifically use their services, I have found owner Beth Bigler and her live work on Instagram to be quite amazing. As a pet care provider, we do send bearevment gifts to clients as well. We send wind chimes and a heart felt note personalized for the pet lost. The hope is that with the sound of each chime, a smile and happy memory will come.

A gentle reminder

If you’re reading this with a heavy heart, I’m so sorry you’re going through it. Your pet mattered. Your bond mattered. And your grief is a normal response to a meaningful relationship.

Take it one day at a time. Speak their name. Let yourself feel what you feel. and if you need help, please seek it.

It’s okay to grieve.